I know that. [The words are a touch sharp, but then she gives a sigh and it's softer.] In my head, I know that. But what happens when I act like it's all right for someone to treat me that way? I...
[Need to unpack. Need to say the things lost in the cloud. Need to take a good look at the monster before kicking it out. She closes her eyes.]
I'm not good at letting things go. Any time I'm hurt, it's like I soak it up and hold onto it so it'll protect me. And maybe that would've worked, if I'd become a Keeper, but it doesn't work here. But a Keeper is the only thing I actually know how to be. It's all I was taught. Nothing about dealing with peers outside of a clan, besides trade etiquette and so on. From my earliest memory, everything was put to me in the context of me being a Keeper one day. So I don't know what to do with Thranduil. I don't like people treating him like he could show us all how to be real elves, like we've not been doing it right. If he'd been clan and I was Keeper, he'd've been punished for it once and we'd've been over it a long time ago. But he's not, and I'm not, and I don't know how to know where we stand.
[ Alistair can't really wrap his head around being raised to think the way to deal with people was to punish them. To have that right. He's quiet for a few beats, then offers, sounding mainly puzzled, ] Do you want me to try to arrange a meeting?
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[Need to unpack. Need to say the things lost in the cloud. Need to take a good look at the monster before kicking it out. She closes her eyes.]
I'm not good at letting things go. Any time I'm hurt, it's like I soak it up and hold onto it so it'll protect me. And maybe that would've worked, if I'd become a Keeper, but it doesn't work here. But a Keeper is the only thing I actually know how to be. It's all I was taught. Nothing about dealing with peers outside of a clan, besides trade etiquette and so on. From my earliest memory, everything was put to me in the context of me being a Keeper one day. So I don't know what to do with Thranduil. I don't like people treating him like he could show us all how to be real elves, like we've not been doing it right. If he'd been clan and I was Keeper, he'd've been punished for it once and we'd've been over it a long time ago. But he's not, and I'm not, and I don't know how to know where we stand.
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